When Erin first came home
she wanted no part of Jesus.
In her eyes, he was an horrible person
that is what she was taught.
We are approaching 3 years of being forever home in September.
Jesus is no longer an horrible person
in Erin's eyes.
For the first 9 months
She rebel again Jesus
Language was a huge barrier also
I admit and am sadden that
I can't speak the Word of God
in depths of the bible to Erin.
That I don't have that "gift" to do it.
That I don't have that "gift" to do it.
We didn't make Erin go to church or talk about "Jesus" or "God" around her
she was already struggling with so many other things and
already not liking me and especially Dave because
we weren't fluent in sign language and the fact we
had rules and enforce them. She also came with a lot of trauma
and was diagnosis with PTSD.
and was diagnosis with PTSD.
Instead
We showed her love
even when she pushed it away.
We showed her kindness
even when she was being mean.
We showed her security
even when she was feeling trapped in a situation she didn't want to be in (adopted, foreign country)
We showed her choices
even when she felt she had none.
We showed her respect
even when she didn't have none for us.
We showed her patience
because she had none.
We showed her she was beautiful inside and out
even when she didn't believe us
We showed her she was smart
because in China she was told she was stupid and dumb
We showed her she was worthy
as she felt worthless
We showed her she was our daughter
even when she didn't want to be
We showed her we are with her no matter what
and she is stuck with us.
This was my way of teaching her how Jesus would have wanted her to learn along with much more.
I had started looking for a new church shortly before she came home.
the one that I was going to
I wasn't particular happy with anymore
they didn't really support us
when we were adopting Erin
and that hurt deeply.
Once it was determine that teaching Erin about Jesus was going to be a huge obstacle, one that I had no clue on how to teach the Word of God, I reached out to my wonderful supporting village.
School (May 2011, been home for 8 months) was just finishing and a mom who also has and daughter around the same age as Erin and was adopted at the age of 11from China, contacted me about a deaf mission camp and said would Erin be interested.
I was interested, thought this would be a good way to for her to start learning about Jesus.
She went without much resist, the chance to spend 4 days surrounded around the deaf, she didn't care why, it would be worth it. In July of 2011 she went to her first deaf bible camp.
She had a great one on one person that she knew at her school. This person is an awesome teacher when it comes to the bible. She worked hard with Erin those four days.
When Erin came home, you could see a little sliver opening for Jesus to start walking into her heart.
She talked about what she learned and had many more questions
questions that I couldn't always answer.
After that I started to take her to church.
The first church was a church my brother Mike and sister in law Kim recommended in the fall of 2011. They had just started going to this church. It was a hearing church with an interpreter. The three younger girls and I really enjoyed it.
Erin didn't because she wasn't interested in it.
There was only a few deaf people and they were all adults.
She also said she didn't understand what was being said.
Which at that time I didn't understand what she meant by that, as the interpreter was good at signing.
The second church was an complete deaf church that someone in the village mentioned.
We tried that in the spring of 2012.
Erin loved it because it had deaf teens.
She didn't understand a word of church service
and I had a hard time following the way they did it.
The younger girls said Sunday school
was ok.
We went back to the first church until another person in the village mention EBC in the Fall of 2012
it was an hearing church that had a large deaf group too.
So we went to our 3rd church.
Erin said it was ok, but still having a hard time following it
I liked it a lot but not as much as the first church.
There wasn't much of deaf kids there
a lot of deaf adults which some Erin knew.
Younger girls enjoyed Sunday school a lot.
Erin went to another church (spring 2013) with one of her close friends which would have made church number 4
She like this church.
The person that taught her at the first bible camp was teaching there too.
Erin said she understood what was said about the bible
if that person was there. She struggled in some of the other areas
but liked it because her friends where there and she
understood more.
It is hard to find a church that will benefit all of us
that we all would like.
In April, Erin reconnected with a male teen "J".
She had met him a couple of time when she first came home at a deaf teen group, (which she no longer goes to because the original person teaching it left and the replacement didn't engage Erin like the original teacher did)and
ran into him at the mall this past winter.
"J" and Erin have a lot in common
they are both adoptees from different countries.
They both were adopted later in life, he was younger then Erin when he came home (he is currently a year older then her), but has his memories from when he was in his birth country.
"J" family is very involved with him,
They are very strong Christian Faith ,
They love to teach about God and to show
how great God is.
When the two of reconnected, they chatted a lot and
Erin chatted with the mom thru VP (video phone).
I was introduced to "J" thru VP.
One night, they decided to break the rule of getting off when they were suppose to.
Erin originally got off, but then after I went back to bed, got back on again until wee hours.
Both kids got caught and the consequences were put on.
This was a turning point in many ways.
It open the door for many discussions between Erin and I, and "J" and his mom.
For the last month and half
we have been having a lot of deep talks.
Erin and "J" share their stores about life before forever families,
they share stories about their life now.
"J" is being raise to be a respectable human being and being an gentlemen.
Erin has been learning that there are good people out there.
Outside our family, she hasn't had the best experience with teenage boys,
this year at school was hard with the peers being mainly boys.
A group of boys that didn't think they needed to be
respectable
nice
clean talk
non-sexual
targeted Erin.
It was hard to convince Erin to be patience
that she would meet and would be
able to be just friends
with a teenage boy
that was respectable, nice, clean talk, non-sexual and fun to hang around with and won't
harass her
put her down
talk dirty or sexual
that they can just have good old conservation as friends
meaningful friends.
"J" became that person.
"J" mom also helped to show Erin that
there is good teenager out there that are boys.
She also a "gifted" explainer of the bible.
Between "J", his mom and I
Erin has been learning so much about
the bible
relationships (good healthy relationship with the opposite sex that doesn't involve sexual)
other families rules and why they have those rules,
"J"'s mom has been explaining their rules to Erin,
she had a good talk with Erin about sneaking around after bedtimes
to talk to "J", why it wasn't acceptable.
That helped Erin to understand
the importance of not only respecting
your family rules
but others.
Sometimes it feels like respecting the family rules of yours and your friends can be boring
perhaps to strict
but there is a good reason (most of the time) why those rules are in place.
This open many discussions
many scenarios
preparing Erin to understand
healthy relationships.
To see what could be unhealthy
and how you would feel
in an unhealthy relationship.
Since becoming good friends with "J"
Erin is starting to make some choices about
other "friends".
She has struggled with some of the actions of her "friends" that she didn't like. We had talks about it in the past, and I always left it up to her to decide.
She just accepted that is the way it is as she has seen so much worse in China.
The same with males,
she learned that males aren't horrible because things are different here for her then in China,
but with some of the male
they weren't what I wanted either
"J" shows up and shows her
what I have been hoping for her.
"J" and his family invited us to his youth group at church.
We went
There was another deaf male there that Erin is friends with and likes.
She enjoyed the youth group as I got to sit and visit with the mom.
The younger girls didn't like the youth group as the kids are all young (kindergarten was the oldest I believe).
We next were invited over to their house. "J" has 3 siblings, the kids are close in age.
Erin played with "J" and his 2 sisters,
they had a blast together,
Just friends hanging out
no strings attached
no trying to impress each other as they both stated they don't want to date right now
they just want to be friends.
At first it was hard to believe and there was a lot of questioning
you can tell they really enjoyed one another company.
We then attended their Church on Sunday
with "J" mom interpreting
She signed it in ASL,
not English version ASL
Erin understood it all
she was able to explain it to me afterwards.
She had questions about what was said.
She was able to apply it.
She is getting it on so many levels,
she is learning that you can love Jesus,
you can love friends male or female
you can love family
you can love yourself
you can be happy.
Thank you God
for open this door
for Erin,
"J",
"J" mom
and for me.
My village for raising my girls has becoming bigger
as we get to know this family.
She talked about what she learned and had many more questions
questions that I couldn't always answer.
After that I started to take her to church.
The first church was a church my brother Mike and sister in law Kim recommended in the fall of 2011. They had just started going to this church. It was a hearing church with an interpreter. The three younger girls and I really enjoyed it.
Erin didn't because she wasn't interested in it.
There was only a few deaf people and they were all adults.
She also said she didn't understand what was being said.
Which at that time I didn't understand what she meant by that, as the interpreter was good at signing.
The second church was an complete deaf church that someone in the village mentioned.
We tried that in the spring of 2012.
Erin loved it because it had deaf teens.
She didn't understand a word of church service
and I had a hard time following the way they did it.
The younger girls said Sunday school
was ok.
We went back to the first church until another person in the village mention EBC in the Fall of 2012
it was an hearing church that had a large deaf group too.
So we went to our 3rd church.
Erin said it was ok, but still having a hard time following it
I liked it a lot but not as much as the first church.
There wasn't much of deaf kids there
a lot of deaf adults which some Erin knew.
Younger girls enjoyed Sunday school a lot.
Erin went to another church (spring 2013) with one of her close friends which would have made church number 4
She like this church.
The person that taught her at the first bible camp was teaching there too.
Erin said she understood what was said about the bible
if that person was there. She struggled in some of the other areas
but liked it because her friends where there and she
understood more.
It is hard to find a church that will benefit all of us
that we all would like.
In April, Erin reconnected with a male teen "J".
She had met him a couple of time when she first came home at a deaf teen group, (which she no longer goes to because the original person teaching it left and the replacement didn't engage Erin like the original teacher did)and
ran into him at the mall this past winter.
"J" and Erin have a lot in common
they are both adoptees from different countries.
They both were adopted later in life, he was younger then Erin when he came home (he is currently a year older then her), but has his memories from when he was in his birth country.
"J" family is very involved with him,
They are very strong Christian Faith ,
They love to teach about God and to show
how great God is.
When the two of reconnected, they chatted a lot and
Erin chatted with the mom thru VP (video phone).
I was introduced to "J" thru VP.
One night, they decided to break the rule of getting off when they were suppose to.
Erin originally got off, but then after I went back to bed, got back on again until wee hours.
Both kids got caught and the consequences were put on.
This was a turning point in many ways.
It open the door for many discussions between Erin and I, and "J" and his mom.
For the last month and half
we have been having a lot of deep talks.
Erin and "J" share their stores about life before forever families,
they share stories about their life now.
"J" is being raise to be a respectable human being and being an gentlemen.
Erin has been learning that there are good people out there.
Outside our family, she hasn't had the best experience with teenage boys,
this year at school was hard with the peers being mainly boys.
A group of boys that didn't think they needed to be
respectable
nice
clean talk
non-sexual
targeted Erin.
It was hard to convince Erin to be patience
that she would meet and would be
able to be just friends
with a teenage boy
that was respectable, nice, clean talk, non-sexual and fun to hang around with and won't
harass her
put her down
talk dirty or sexual
that they can just have good old conservation as friends
meaningful friends.
"J" became that person.
"J" mom also helped to show Erin that
there is good teenager out there that are boys.
She also a "gifted" explainer of the bible.
Between "J", his mom and I
Erin has been learning so much about
the bible
relationships (good healthy relationship with the opposite sex that doesn't involve sexual)
other families rules and why they have those rules,
"J"'s mom has been explaining their rules to Erin,
she had a good talk with Erin about sneaking around after bedtimes
to talk to "J", why it wasn't acceptable.
That helped Erin to understand
the importance of not only respecting
your family rules
but others.
Sometimes it feels like respecting the family rules of yours and your friends can be boring
perhaps to strict
but there is a good reason (most of the time) why those rules are in place.
This open many discussions
many scenarios
preparing Erin to understand
healthy relationships.
To see what could be unhealthy
and how you would feel
in an unhealthy relationship.
Since becoming good friends with "J"
Erin is starting to make some choices about
other "friends".
She has struggled with some of the actions of her "friends" that she didn't like. We had talks about it in the past, and I always left it up to her to decide.
She just accepted that is the way it is as she has seen so much worse in China.
The same with males,
she learned that males aren't horrible because things are different here for her then in China,
but with some of the male
they weren't what I wanted either
"J" shows up and shows her
what I have been hoping for her.
"J" and his family invited us to his youth group at church.
We went
There was another deaf male there that Erin is friends with and likes.
She enjoyed the youth group as I got to sit and visit with the mom.
The younger girls didn't like the youth group as the kids are all young (kindergarten was the oldest I believe).
We next were invited over to their house. "J" has 3 siblings, the kids are close in age.
Erin played with "J" and his 2 sisters,
they had a blast together,
Just friends hanging out
no strings attached
no trying to impress each other as they both stated they don't want to date right now
they just want to be friends.
At first it was hard to believe and there was a lot of questioning
you can tell they really enjoyed one another company.
We then attended their Church on Sunday
with "J" mom interpreting
She signed it in ASL,
not English version ASL
Erin understood it all
she was able to explain it to me afterwards.
She had questions about what was said.
She was able to apply it.
She is getting it on so many levels,
she is learning that you can love Jesus,
you can love friends male or female
you can love family
you can love yourself
you can be happy.
Thank you God
for open this door
for Erin,
"J",
"J" mom
and for me.
My village for raising my girls has becoming bigger
as we get to know this family.
This is a good blog from Sherrie Eldridge. :)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.sherrieeldridge.com/blog/a-gift-only-adoptees-can-give.aspx