Crushing a heart

The look

When someone has to say something

Something you don't really want to hear

And the person that saying it

doesn't want to say it,

but knows it needs to be said.

This past Monday,  I took Katie to see Dr. W.  to have the remain sutures that he put in taken out.

Other then the possible fungal infection she has with the ear and behind the ear

things are looking good on his part of the surgery.

Katie will go back to see Dr. R. at the end of the month to 

have the packing removed again from the ear canal.

Dr. W. got the serious look on his face

let out a sign

and said we need to talk.

He had just returned from a convention in DC 

He took Jenny's measurements with

He consulted with other well known Microtia repair surgeons.

Everyone came back with the same conclusion:

Don't do the surgery.

 Dr. W. has had some reservation because of Jenny's size.  He took measurements of her last November and in Feb of this year, and decided that he could do the surgery and had promise her that it would happen this year as she did grow some between November and Feb.  It was decided to do it in November while she is on break.  We all felt she would grow some more and all is good.  He saw her in August when he did the molding of the ear.  He didn't say anything to me at that time, but must have started to think if he hadn't been thinking already that she not growing as fast as he(we) had hoped.

 

He told me as a surgeon, he could do the surgery, he feels very confident that he can do it.  We also feel that as we have seen what he has done with Katie's ear.  He feels safe to say that he can get the right amount of rib cartilage and carve it and so forth.  

Can make the ear look good.

He wants to do it on the surgeon aspect of it. 

As a father (he has one Jenny's age), he wouldn't do the surgery. 

I knew it was because of her being small.

Jenny very tired of hearing that word.

Small

Dr. W. went on and explained the reasoning beyond the smallness of Jenny.

Because of the petites stature 

Her ribs that he would use for the ear

are not thick.

Because they are not thick, it could break or collapse the ear with the stress of it.

That could create a lot of problems like

more surgeries, more scar tissue, not as good of an ear in the long run, more pain.

So as a surgeon it can be done and it will be successful and he can do it

but as a father, long term, high chance it won't remain successful and he doesn't want to do that to her.

He doesn't want to break his promise to her,

But he wants it to remain successful long term.

I could see he was really torn and felt bad about this.

He said he will still do it if she/us really want him to do it.

We talked about other options,

but still believe for Jenny that the rib cartilage is the best options.

He said we can think about it for a month before deciding.

He would be willing to discuss it more with Jenny

He would be willing to measure her a couple times before surgery date

in hopes she will grow.

Katie is hearing this conversation (which was fine), but she not really good about staying quiet about things.

I thanked Dr. W. for his honesty, both as a professional and personal thoughts,

for not letting an Ego get in the way.

As we were on our way home, Katie had many questions.

I told her she wasn't allow to say anything to anyone about this.

I talked to Dave and it was decided we would talk to her together.

Before bedtime on Monday, we brought Jenny into my room
You can see that she was confused.
Normally if we have private conversations
she knows why
this time she was clueless.
So we told her what Dr. W. told me.
She laid on the bed quietly
eyes closed
not saying anything
With prompting from Dave and I, she talked
then was quiet again,
then tried to joke about it (coping mechanism)
Silent tears came
crawling into my lap
Asked if she wanted to talk to Dr W. about it
she said yes,
She asked about her options
and we told them to her and what we felt was the best one.
She wanted us to stretch her so that she would be bigger
She wants to eat all the time so she will grow
and was disappointed that wasn't to go fix the problem

She is going to see him next Monday.
I texted him and let him know she has a lot of questions and wants
measurements done a lot.
She not giving up hope and is determine to have this surgery
in November.
We are not giving up hope either.
We can tell her that she is perfect just the ways she is.
That the smallest package is the best
that she is beautiful
etc.
etc.
etc.
and everything else to comfort her and we do,
but in her mind
that doesn't matter.
What matters is she wants this surgery and doesn't want to wait.
She not happy with her body because the size it what keeping that from happening.
So please say a prayer for her.