Understanding importance

Understanding importance

When living on Survival  mode for around 13 years

what is important is 

food, clothes and shelter.

For the last 29 months (2 years and 5 months)

Erin is learning about different kinds of importance.

She knows she will have food, clothes, shelter,

that she doesn't need to worry about that now.

Praise the Lord.

 Now it is teaching her the importance of relationships with family, friends and peers.  Importance of going to school and doing your best.  Working thru emotions and feelings, trying to understand them.  Teaching her to be independent, yet being able to rely on people to help you, guide you and show you healthy and safe ways to live.

 She is also learning about believing people when they praise her.  Learning about self confidence.  She truly doesn't know how to believe that she is smart, beautiful inside and out.  We can tell her repeatedly  and she starts to feel that way, and then one things goes wrong whether it with school work, or in a relationship and her self confidence goes away and we have to built it up again.

Sometimes I forget she has only been home for just over 2 years.  She is very mature in some ways and yet very immature in other ways.  The nurture that she didn't receive in her early life shows itself weekly.  She has a very hard wall built around her, yet you can see the very fragile side of that wall.  She lets me through the wall now yet is guarded.  When she feels backed in a corner or unable to comprehend something, she does what she knows best.  Survival.  Yet she is learning that she is loved.  She is learning people truly care for her and she is important in their lives. She has more moments of believing she is an important and can do something positive for herself and her life., then not.

This is Erin when we met her 2 1/2 years ago.  She was so afraid even though this picture doesn't show that.  When I look at it long enough, I see emptiness in her eyes, that her smile doesn't look happy.  Many people have told me before adopting Erin and since adopting Erin that I was very brave to adopt an teenager.  Erin was very brave to allow herself to be adopted.  The stories she was told (that were false) about what going to happen to her when she came to us, she must have know the importance of leaving China.  She no longer talks about wanting to move back to China.  She misses some of her friends and the food and that is it.  She wants to visit China again.  One thing I always tell people about adopting older kids,beside I knew God was with me all the way and wouldn't give me something I wouldn't be able to handle, you need to do your research.  Need to be in contact with other families that have adopted older children (they were great help during the very difficult times),  You need to not expect anything and celebrate all the baby steps that happen.  Erin was a very scared kid when she came home, those first 3 1/2 months were horrible for everyone in the family, there was fear for everyone.  I sometime wondered during that time if this was the right choice to adopt her, and no sooner did I question that, that I got an answer that yes it was the right choice, she is my daughter and I am her mother and nothing can change it.  She did some very horrible things her early months here, and yet she learned the importance of having a family that will love you through the goods and bad and everything between. 
She has learned how many people care for her, that she is someone important.  She is loved, and as she has learned to open her heart more, and break down some of the walls and to keep her eyes open.