When you can't see the full picture

Monika has done gymnastics

since she was 2 years old.

She isn't a natural at it,

but it good at it.

 When she started competition level last year, she had her ups and downs.  She got frustrated at times and a couple of times wanted to quit.  Her frustration mostly occurred because there was such a range of skills within the group or she saw differences with a coach.  It was usually short lived for a night and then she moved on.  Sometimes it took her talking to me, and sometimes it took me contacting the coach and that coach talking to her. 

 Because of her level was so large this fall, they split the girls up into two groups.  Monika group initially started out with 6 of them, mid way thru another girl joined.  These 7 girls practiced with one coach 2 times a week and then with the rest of their level and coaches one day of week.  This group was the more advance level 5 girls.

 This coach knew how to connect with Monika, they hit it off really good.  Monika loved this group and the coach.  She was happy in it, she enjoyed that the 7 of them were fairly similar in their skills.  She liked that they got rewarded by learning some of the higher level things.  She was very motivated by this coach and group.  This coach was just the person to help Monika blossom.

Monika grew and blossom a lot in this group.  She enjoyed her coach and group so much that she would pick going to gymnastics over some other things, which she never did before.   She looked forward going to practice and didn't mind the condition part as much.  This also helped her be motivated with doing homework.  It help built her self esteem, made her understand that when you try hard good things can come to you.  Overall everything was going great.

She became a good leader and coach with her younger sisters.  She also talked about things that she learned about the other girls in her group.  Developing close bond  with this small group which in the past was hard to do with such a large group and different coaches.  Gave the girls extra support for one another.  Could become actual friends and not just gymnastic teammates.

A couple weeks ago, her coach approached me to let me know that they are changing the group up.  Most of the girls are moving up to the next level and Monika would not along with another girl.  Her coach that she has responded to so well was also moving up with the girls. 

It was decided to wait until after State to tell the girls.

Monika knew something was wrong as she sense off me.

I was able to use some different excuses, but don't think Monika totally believe me.

 

Last Tuesday, her coach made the announcement to the 7 girls.  Monika wasn't initially to upset until it started to sink in what it all meant.  Since I knew the whole picture and started to talk to Monika the more upset and hurt she became along with being confused.  The 5 girls moved up right away that night.  The new girls that were going to be joining Monika and another girl won't be moving up until after the first of the year.  This left Monika feeling she didn't belong to a group anymore as she in a limbo.  She is staying with the group of 7 girls and her coach, but won't be doing the same things and will be watching those girls do their new routine.  

Monika is a thinker and started to compare things like, she has gotten some higher scores then some of the other girls in that group, there is a skill or two that she can do that is a higher level that one or two of the other girls that moved up can't do.  There are mainly 2 skills that Monika doesn't have that kept her from advancing.  She is sad and disappointed that she didn't move up and she knows it is because of the 2 main skills that she hasn't master yet.  But also feels hurt and betrayed.  I knew she would be disappointed, but to have the betrayed feelings, that I wasn't expecting.  She felt she was doing as well as the other girls, at the beginning of the season her coach really stressed that they were level 5 and competing level 5 and thought that was going to stay that way.  So with this announce out of the blue in her mind, it hit her hard.

After the initial talk and cry on that Tuesday, she acted like she was good to go, she did a good job keep it bottle up for a couple of days.  Last Friday another thing came crushing down on her.  Again her coach didn't realize the impact it was going to be on the two girls.  Her coach is so caring and concern, and just didn't realize that an hurting child already feeling knock down didn't need to be reminded that she isn't part of that group anymore.  They drew secret santa for the higher level and Monika and the other girl were told they couldn't draw because they weren't part of the group.   They needed to wait until Monday and draw with the other level 5 girls.  These two girls don't practice with the other girls except on Monday, so they don't see them for the rest of the week. She feels she really isn't part of secret santa because she can't see her person opening any of her gifts and the older level will find out their Secret Santa on Friday after practice and Monika and the other girl will be sitting there watching it all. Again, she was sad and disappointed, but continue onward, until after practice on Monday, her coach called me at home and talked with me.  Monika knew I was on the phone with her, but didn't know what was said.  After I got off the phone with her the floodgates opened up.

She cried hard, she was so distraught and she is hurting.  She just doesn't know what to believe.  The coaches have explained how Monika will be the new leader along with the other girl.  Next May the Gymnastic headquarters in the USA is changing the routine and skills required, Monika and the new group is going to start working on that those skills.  That is a very positive thing, they will be getting a head start on these skills.  The other levels and groups in the gym won't be working on them until competition season is completed.  So there is a positive thing coming out, and that was the coaches intentions, but to a 10 year old, she doesn't see it that way.  She sees it I am losing my group and coach, she even said they were like a family with her coach being the big sister to all of them.  She knows who the other girls that are moving up now, and 2 of them are her friends that started competition at the same time with Monika.  She said she was glad about that, but she still doesn't want to lose her group.  That is what she is focused on.  Losing her family and her "big sister" coach.

Seeing Monika cry like that, the deep in the heart cry, not just cry because I am mad  or got hurt, but the deep emotional cry was  very hard for me to see and hear, which caused me to cry with her.  She asked me why I was crying, you are not the one that lost a family and big sister.  I told her it was because it was hard to see her hurting so much and don't know how to take the hurt away.  She said then said, mom I don't want an new group I want to keep my group, my family.
 Once she was calmed down, and to bed, I prayed that Monika will find peace with this change up.  That her heart will be fine and she will know that even though her "family" is moving up, they are still present in her surroundings.  She will still get to see her coach, that her coach won't forget her.  That this is a new chapter in her life and eventhough it is hard to see any good out it right now, in the future you will see amazing things.  I also prayed for Monika not to lose her motivation and drive in gymnastics.