A hurting body

It is amazing what 24 hours can do and how much something can change.

For someone who is determine to accomplish something no matter what.

She didn't like the fact she was older and couldn't do something her younger sisters could do.

Wednesday night she saw her sisters cruising our street on their bikes.  They would zoom by so fast, laughing and weaving, having a grand old time.
She got excited and said she wants to do that, but can't.
I told her I would help and that if we practice enough she will be able to do it. 
She said I am scared.
I said I will hold on to you.
She thought a few minutes before saying ok.
The above picture was taken Wednesday night, the expression you see is fear, she was so wobbly on the bike at first, couldn't hold the handlebars staight.
Was gripping the handlebars so tight that her knuckles were white and we
had to stop and move her hands back and forth to get the blood moving again.
We practiced for an hour,
I had to hold on the whole time and sometimes hold the handlebars too
but she started biking more straighter when we were finished.
She was hard on herself saying she couldn't do it,
I kept reassuring her that she will be able to do it, just keep practicing,
gave her praise for riding straighter, or longer without having to stop.
She wanted to accept my praise, but she also didn't believe in herself that she was improving and that she would get it.
She complained how much her bottom hurt, arms hurt, hands hurt.  I reassure her that it will get better.

Thursday night, she wanted to go out and practice.
Again, she said she was scared.
Again, I told her I was her with her and will hold on.
She bravely and excitely got on the bike.
She was able to stay straighter.
she even made it from one end of the straight to the other end of the straight without weaving into the curb or needing to stop.
Her momma, had a big smile on her face and said, you are getting better, she smiled and then shaked her hands to get the blood circulating again.
You could see her confident building.

After about an hour, I start to let go, but she didn't know.
She could get about 10 feet before losing her balance.
She would start going again,
I would hold on and then let go (but staying next to her, so she didn't know I let go).
She made it 20 feet.
She gets back on, we get going, I let go and didn't walk, when she discovered I wasn't next to her, she screamed and stopped the bike.
I had a huge smile and you did it.  She was in shock and said I am scared.
I told her that I have been letting go and you have been doing it.
She smiled and said again.
15 minutes later.....

She is cruising up and down the street....on her own.....
Now we need to work on turning  and starting.
She practiced and after an hour (so for 2 hours and 15 minutes she was out there) she was able to get started on her own, but has to try 3 or 4 times before she could get it going.
She kept telling me she was scared, her hands hurt, her bottom hurt.
I kept praising her, and the smile would show up on her face.
She even rode by with bigs smiles.
and she was no longer....

alone

Erin and Jenny going for a bike ride down the street.
Monika and Katie missed out because they were gone at gymnastic,
but when the heard the news, they got excited and told Erin
good job when they got home.
Erin body was hurting a lot, she was sore all over, but it wasn't going to take away the proudness she was feeling for accomplishing something that she was so scared to do.

Update on the previous post

1.  Sign Language:  Sometimes I forget that not everyone that reads my blog sees us often or at all.  The younger girls do know sign language.  They are not fluent in it, but they can sign.  When Erin first came home and we were going thru the phase where she would get mad if someone didn't sign fast enough for her or if they got a sign wrong, she would walk away or ignore that person.  She did this a lot with the younger girls, so the younger girls decreased the amount of signing they did.  When they would try talking with her, Erin didn't want to participate all the time or would always find me to "translate".  When Erin isn't in the room, the girls and I don't sign to each other, when Erin comes into the room, I will start to sign, the girls don't try to sign if they are not talking to Erin or if Erin isn't paying attention (if she is just walking thru).  Erin doesn't care to be in a converstion unless it interest her.  Many times if the girls are talking about something and we are signing (I do most of the signing for the girls because they can't sign that fast), and it doesn't interest Erin, she will leave and do something else.  The two younger girls are excited because in May during bridges (the younger girls go to year round school and have 3 week breaks every 3 months, they are allow to attend an enhancing school time during one of those weeks,except in August).  They are offering sign language class, so they will have it for about 2 hours each day.  Monika is in a different level, so she can't take it.  I am also starting another sign language class on Tuesday for 6 weeks.  Erin's school does it for free for families that have student there.  Erin is more patient now and will make small talk with the girls, she will ask them questions and is very caring towards them.  I know some of the challenges is the 5/6 years age difference, as they have different likes. 

2.  Exchange student:  I knew that blogging would help.  After I read and reread my blog entry, being at church where it was peaceful and calm, I could feel the answer coming to me, seeing what people posted confirmed what I had decided.  As much as I would love to have an exchange student here, this year is to soon for Erin.  Having any fear and writing what my fear on the blog means I already had my answer, just needed to get it off my chest.  I thank you all for your input.  Next year, I will approach this again, and see where we are all in our lives. 

Before Dave and I adopted, I have always wanted a big family.  How big, I don't know.   When we brought Katie and Jenny home, I knew I wanted to be a mom to more, When Erin came home, I still said that, even through the diffucult times I had with her, I knew I still want to be a mom to more.  I am envious of the parents that are able to have big families whether it is thru adoption or not.  I truly feel I am not done having children, whether it thru adoption, fostering, or exchange students, etc.....I know God will show me the way, and he may show me that I am done or he will show me that I am not done.  I do know whatever path I go, God will be with me all the way and I will be at peace with it.