Last week I wrote about the long night with Erin and her testing me. How I felt I had a guardian Angel sitting on my shoulders to help me remain calm with her and to show that she is my daughter and I love her.
This week my God is having my guardian angel be with me to keep me calm as people say things that don't sit well with me at all.
These are the following episodes:
1.)Was in the check out at Target. Two of the kids pictures fell out, the cashier picks them up and say they are cute. I thank them, as I put them away, she sees that I have more pictures and proceeds to ask how many kids I have. I tell her 5 daughters. She pauses and then say "how much did you buy the girls for?" I have had many people ask me how much they cost but not buy. I looked at her and said I didn't buy the girls, she then preceeded to ask how did I get them then. So I was very kind and said I adopted them, she went on and said so you had to pay for them. I said no, and went on to explain it is the agencies and so forth that gets paid to help us make them our daughters.
2.) Was talking to a person that I have talked to on a very rare occassion, she was asking about us being home with Erin, and then proceeds to tell me that I was crazy to want to bring home a teenager and that if I ever wanted a teenager to let her know and she would be more then happy to borrow hers to me. She then said better you then me.
3.) Lately I have been hear a lot about me being a "special" person because I have adopted my daughters. That "it takes some special" to adopt, that "you are special for wanting the unwanted children", "God must think you are special for helping you adopt these precious girls and especially a teenager"
This all happen from Sunday to Thursday. I have had comments said to me in the past here and there about different aspect on how my family was created. I have always been positive about it and correct people in a nice way and try to show examples to my girls that I am proud to be their mom and that I am proud of their culture and so forth. But to have these many comments in a 5 day streatch was a little to much for me.
I am just a mom with 5 special and amazing daughters that were not born in my womb but in my heart. I love you Jade, Erin, Monika, Katie and Jenny, and thank you for being my daughters.
Yes, everyone has an opinion. Stay true to your own values and try to blow off hurtful or unhelpful opinions. In the end, God will judge us all on our own merit, and not other's worthless opinions of us.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Vonnie
I think you showed great restraint and were very gracious to some quite obvious rudeness, even if it was not all intentional it was thoughtless. I love reading your blog, your love for your daughters, your family shines through everything you do.
ReplyDeleteYou were much kinder to that Target woman than I would have been....MUCH kinder! I would write a complaint, I mean really....that just goes above and beyond rude.
ReplyDeleteI know it will happen to us too so I should probably get ready. I already can't stand when everyone says "oh, you didn't get your girl, so you have to adopt" I really hate that. It implies that I was disappointed by having all boys.
Good luck!
Most people aren't rude, they're just thoughtless. And most of the time we can educate them, even if they aren't exactly expecting us to. It might even shut some of them up. But if you're really having a bad day and you've had enough, here are some ideas for smart comebacks:
ReplyDeleteHow much did you pay for your kids? The answer will be nothing, but that's a lie. People with biological children paid for them, too. I think the current cost of having a child in the hospital is similar to buying a car; it is just indirect since so many people are insured and it's their insurance policy that covers that cost for them.
Or a nicer smart comeback: They didn't cost anything; I just had to pay for translators and guides and make a donation to their orphanage. If you're interested in making a donation for those left behind, let me know.
Tell the person that said better you than me that she is right. After all, if that's what she really thinks, the kids are better off with you!
You are special. So are your kids. Say thank you, I think so too.
Hope this put a smile on your face :-) Even if you never use any of them, it's fun to think of what you could have said if you weren't a nice person!
Ruby
The devil will use whatever he can to attack, kill and destroy. When you are at your best, he is most threatened and hits the hardest. Speak the truth out loud, in the name of Jesus and tell the devil he's not welcome and that you are listening to God's truth, not his.
ReplyDeleteSue, you are a great mom. You and Dave are both great for loving others and opening your home and hearts to people who were in need.
Just as you did with Erin, imagine Jesus is in your face saying, "Sue, you are mine and I love you".
...
He's still saying it.
Peace,
Someone who cares...
Ouch! Some people really don't think before they speak. We had a couple people in China ask how much we paid for Libby, but we haven't gotten any comments like that since we got back to the states. I'm sure we'll get some insensitive comments eventually. It sounds like you handled yourself well!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had all of these encounters with people in such a short space of time. The one at Target would have probably put me over the edge. Wow. That is not only thoughtless, but so very rude.
ReplyDeleteWe've had a few comments that were sort of thoughtless here and there over the years. Most of the time it's from people who are really ignorant about adoption, or someone who apparently doesn't think before speaking. :)
I have a friend who has offended me numerous times by what she's said about having children in general, or adoption. She even offended me recently, after hearing about our current adoption. I have decided that it's time to tell her that it's hurtful to me when she speaks this way. I can't let it keep happening.
I hope there won't be anymore encounters like this for you, for a long time!