lifelines

Well today I was praying that we would be over what happen last night and it would be a fresh day.  No luck there.  The younger girls were upstairs and I was cleaning the kitchen, Erin comes out and gets her noodles, I was in the kitchen and said with a big smile on my face "Good Morning", she nods her head at me, gets her noodles in the microwave and then said to me with a smile on her face "Computer please", I said "how are you feeling today", and that was enough to start where we left off last night.  She started in again about she didn't like me, I wasn't her mom, and this isn't her home.  I did the reinforcements and she started with "x" my face so I brought her into her room.  She said "are you mad at me, I said nope, but you can't talk that way and out come "x" in my face again, so I walked out of her room (her room is still just as bad as last night if not worse).  Some of the time sequence is a blur to me now, so this is just a run down.  About 10 minutes passed, I went in her room and asked if she wanted to eat her noodles, she shrugged her shoulders, I said you can come out and eat them and left the room.  She did come out a few minutes later and tried to take it to her room which I told her she had to eat at the table and she did not very happily.  She then went back to her room.  During the course of the afternoon, she continue to say things about not wanting us as a family and so forth and other things.  I told her she had to stay in her room if she was going to talk that way.  The younger girls and I sat down to watch Maltida.  Erin came out into the living room 1/2 thru it, stood there for about 2 minutes, I looked at her, but didnt' say anything to her, I was waiting for her to say something.  She then went back into her room.  A couple minute later I went and asked if she wanted to watch the movie, she shrugged her shoulders at me, I told she could come out a watch it, she did come out a little bit later.  As soon as the movie was done, she asked if she could on the computer.  I decided I would try to better the situation and told her yes she could go on for 20 minutes.  So she went on it, 20 minutes come  and I ask her to turn off which she didn't want to, I asked a couple more times and she said wait, and then she went into a game, I was more firm with her and told her to get off, at the same time Monika asked if she wanted to play the Wii she said no and then said to me you are not my mom and I don't like you...so after the reinforcement of I am your mom and I love you....I brought her in her room, sat her on the floor and sat in front of her (didn't want the younger girls have to watch what was being said and see how Erin is acting, they have seen enough of it), Erin started with you smell, and other things,  I was starting to get emotional but kept it in check.  She motion to the wastebasket and said the picture you gave me is in there, I ripped it up.  So I got the wastebasket and dumped it out in between us.  I said some thing along the lines that it is to bad that she had to feel like she had to rip it up, she started to rip the pieces into smaller pieces, I asked her if I should help her and she said yep, I ripped a couple of piece before I could tell I was going to start crying, so I got up and left the room, Dave was standing in her room and stayed in there for a while, Erin didn't like that and started to tell Dave he is a pig and looks like a pig and dirty and smells like a pig, Dave just stood there and at one point sat down in front of her.   She wrote on a piece of paper Mom and Dod and put "x" thru it.  Dave asked for the pen, corrected the spelling of dad and gave it back to her, she didn't like that.  She then said she had to go to the bathroom, so he told her go ahead and he left her room.  She came out to the living room, Dave asked her if she wanted to play the Wii which she wanted to...then she told her sisters that she doesn't like mom and dad and asked them if they did.  Dave and I didn't see what the girls said.  After the Wii, she started in on me again about the computer, I told her that she couldn't have the computer because of the way she was acting and what she was saying to me, She started in again, so I brought her to her room again.  I came to check my email and got an email from her school about Hands and Voices organization that they were helping out (they send it to all the kids).  That gave me my first lifeline.  I called the person and it was a pyschologist.  I talked with her over an hour, she really couldn't give me any advice because she hasn't met us yet, but she did say, be constantly and keep tell her you love her.  She also informed me that her collugue goes to Metro Deaf School (Erin's school) on Wednesday and perhap she could see Erin on Wednesday, so we are going to get the paperwork going on that. 
My sister (my second lifeline) came over and talked for about 2 hours with Erin, she remained very neutral with Erin but did reinforce that we love her and we are her parents, she did it in a way that Erin wouldn't feel Cindy was siding with us.  She did ask Cindy to be her mom, which Cindy said no, you have a mom and dad that love you, I am a friend and aunt.  They talked about a lot of stuff.  cindy causully mention the messy room with all the shredded paper on the floor, Erin told her she would clean it up once Mom and Dad were being nice to her.  Once she left, we had a other movie going (this isn't normal for the girls but today we just needed it) Erin finished washing the movie with us.  When it was completed, she started asking me questions agin about things on a table and didn't like one of my answer so we started again.  I brought her to her room, said good night and I love you which she had to say I don't like you..  There is a lot more that happen, but this is the nutshell.  I thank everyone (many lifelines) that left comments or emailed me personally.  We have opionons from both sides, so we just continue to work our way thru it and hopefully will get a grip on it.  She is one tough cookie and I am a tired mommy.
Saturday we are suppose to go to the Science museum.  I will be taking the 3 younger ones for sure, we are going to wait to see how Erin is, if she is still being this way, then she will stay home along with dave.  I know we need to be firm with her and let her know she can't act and say what she is saying, but that she also needs love, and be reassured that she is loved.   But I also dont' like the idea of her being stuck in her room all day while we are gone because she is grieving/hurting/testing so forth.  I pray to God that she will have calmed down and she will be in a better mood.