Things change so fast.

Well tonight didn't go well.  The younger girls had a rollerskating event thru there school.  I gave Erin the choice to go rollerskating or stay home.  She decided rollerskating, she did get a little bored because she didn't have anyone there that was her age that she knew.  Dave showed up halfway  through and stuck around to the end.  Erin wasn't to wild about seeing him but she tolerated him.  When we were getting ready to leave, I was trying to explain to her that she had a choice to go with me to bring her 2 cousins home or to go with dad and her sisters to the house.  She wasn't wanting to pay attention to me and kept turning away because she was busy taking her skates off,  while I was talking to her, Katie kept interrupting me, I had asked Katie to wait a couple of times, but she couldn't.  So I stopped talking to Erin, grabbed Katie's arms, got her attention, and told her to wait and then went back to trying to talk to Erin.  Erin started to tell me that she doesn't like me grabbing (not a hard hold or anything) Katie like that.  She has seen me do it many times to Katie and tells me everytime time, that I just need to tell Katie to wait and to be "gentle".  I called Katie over and grabbed her arms again (like I always do to get her attention, it is "gentle") and Katie was laughing, I then did it to Monika, and Jenny, and tried to explained to Erin that I wasn't been mean or mad or anything, that with Katie you need to do that sometimes, she has challenges and can't always focus on what people are saying, so you need to grab her by the arms and get down by her face for her to really hear you and focus on you.  Erin doesn't understand it and even with Katie sometimes laughing when I have her arms, so Erin knows I am not hurting her, but she still doesn't like it.  I stopped trying to ask Erin who she wanted to go with.  Dave left with the girls before I left with my niece and nephew, so I guessing Erin figured she had to go with Dave.  They get into the van and she wouldn't cooperate with sitting in her seat or putting on the seat belt, so Dave had to get very firm with her to get her to do it.  They got home and Erin wanted to know why Dave was sticking around, he explained that mom would be home in about 15 minutes or so and then he would leave, She decided to pick that time to start being sassy and mocking Dave and giving the dirty looks.  Dave asked her to stop and tried to talk to her, but she didn't want no part of it and kept at him, so he told her to go to her room, she kept saying she didn't understand, so he took her by the forearm and lead her towards her room and pointed to it.  She didn't like the fact Dave grab her arm.  She got to her room, slammed the door hard (which she knows she isn't allowed to do, and if she did it, she loses the door.)  Dave went into her room and took the door off, this caused her to really mock Dave, give the dirtiest looks and say not nice stuff.  Dave and I have both been giving some space to Erin about how she treats us, as we try to get her learn the appropriate ways to act and not to act, eventhough her and I have made some head way, she won't really acknowledge Dave unless I make her acknowledge him, she doesn't make any attempts to talk to him unless she needs something from him, she won't help him, and so forth.  She would not stop with the looks and the mocks, so Dave made her bit some soap and then left her alone.  I came home, got the information and went to Erin and talked with her.  Inititially I was telling her very firmly that she has to stop with the way she is treat her dad and I, and that it was wrong.  She said she didn't care (better then I don't like you).  She then informed me that Dad grab her arm and washed her mouth out with soap.  I explained to her that when you were told to go to your room, and you refuse that what happens, you will physically be taken there, the sassying and mocking and saying mean things, you get mouth washed out if you don't stop when asked to.  She remained very calm and we sat and talked for about 1/2 hour, I tried to explained about respect, being nice, and love, she didn't like any of it, and kept saying my friends are nice and "E" mom and dad are nice and so forth, I said we are nice too, and that she needs to understand that we don't treat others like that, I proceeded to say things like you were suppose to spend the past weekend at Dad's but instead he let you stay at "E" house Friday night because he nice and he loves you,  you asked me to help you with you laundry which I did because that is me being nice and because I love you, I used a couple more examples of both Dave and I and kept using because we are nice and we love you.  She didn't really like it hearing it but she at least didn't get worked up and start I dont' like you and so forth.  I did most of the talking, Erin kept saying she didn't know what some of the signs meant that I was signing to her eventhough we have used them many time, it was like she was testing me or trying to pick a fight, but that didn't happen.  I told her that she loses the camera, computer and door until she says sorry for the things and ways she is treating and acting towards Dad.  I don't expect her to be all nicey nicey and happy around us all the time, but again respect.  During our talk, I was asking her if she was respectable to Coach J, Coach M, E older brother, teachers and so forth she would answer yes, you can be that way with Dad and I and she said she didn't care to. On the positive note, she didn't destory anytyhing, she didn't say she hated us or didn't like us, and she allowed me to talk and ask questions and try to explain things.  I am thankful for that, for that I know we made babysteps, so we will continue to work on other things.  The not so positive note, things went backwards with Dave.  He has been very patient with the way Erin treats him, and she just keeps trying to hurt him more and more along with not be nice to him.  I pray that Erin will understand that she can't behave that way.  Positive note, all the girls improved on their skating.  They didn't fall as much, they are moving faster and Jenny even tried to go backwards for a very short distance.