Not much time to blog

I have been really struggling with blogging lately, I want to blog and really enjoy blogging.  Now that school is out,  I don't have a lot of time to myself unless I am in the bathroom or in bed (and even there sometimes I don't have my own time as my girls like to sneak into bed sometimes around 4 or so in the morning.)  The Month of May, I was tied down with homework of the kids, especially Erin.  Now that school is out for her, she wants a lot of attention from me.  This is great for our bonding time, but it does make it hard for me to get things done on the computer.  She has also has started in the past couple weeks always setting next to me on the couch when we are doing homework (she is being tutored) or watching tv or talking.  I am very grateful for this as it means she is getting closer and closer to me and perhaps soon will start showing physical affection on her own.  This past weekend we had a bonfire on Saturday,  Each of the girls had some friends over for the bonfire.  Erin had one of her friends over which was nice for her as there weren't many people here that could sign.  Dave was here and Erin steered clear of him, but she was at least outside when he was outside.

Sunday we had Monika's adoption group over, there are 6 girls from the same orphanage and then 2 kids (one boy and One girl) that are from a different orphanage but travelled with us.  3 of the girls from the original orphanage were able to make it along with Thomas and Becky.  It was a fun time.  I had told Erin that I would let her stay on the computer since no one was going to be signing and she didn't really know anyone.  I felt she would get less fustrated with people and I wanted to be able to enjoy my time and talk with the other parents.  Thomas's oldest sister has been taking sign language for the last two years in high school, so she started to sign to Erin.  Erin and Emma had a lot of fun together and even came outside to play and joined the other kids.  Dave was here too.  Erin over the weekend was good about not giving the dirty looks to Dave or at his direction.  I was so grateful for Emma to be here.  Thank you Lord.

5 families with their siblings, not all siblings present.

3 Spicy Hunan SARS Star girls  (Monika in the blue/teal). 

For the past month or so, Dave and I have been meeting alone with the family therapist.  We have had a lot of discussins mainly on Dave's and Erin relationship as that is the major hurtle we are dealing with.  Erin is also seeing her private therapist at the office now that school is out.  The office has a play therapy room that they are hoping will be able to get her feeling out better.  I just recently learned from the therapist and was confirmed with some hearing friends that are very involved in the deaf community, that Deaf people have a harder time expressing the deep feelings or understanding them unless they have been explained very detail, it is hard for me to explain it, but I am seeing that with Erin.  The therapist both are hoping that with the play therapy room Erin will act out some things and the therapist can focus on that and see if we can get it out of Erin why she literally hates Dave.  I was expressing my fustrations with the therapist last week that it seems like that less Erin has contact with Dave the worse she is with the situation with Dave.  I also was asked to make a timeline with Erin's behavior, how she react and how we react.  I am thankful for the blog as I was able to take the information off that.  It makes me very sad for both Erin and Dave when I read how things were going when we first got her until now with their relationship.  Back then, she was communicating with him, it was limited but she was doing it.  She was asking him for help at times, she didn't mind being home and in the same room as he was.  Now she can't be in the same room with him, she won't look at him, and she doesn't talk to him at all.  The therapist are saying things will get worse before they get better.  I pray that will be the case and that Dave and Erin can have some sort of a relationship.  The therapist asked us how we felt with the way things are right now.  Dave basically said he doesn't like it,but he can't do anything about it right now, and that she is missing out of a lot of fun and so forth.  When it was my turn to answer, I was overcome with all the feelings that I didn't know I had bottled up and got tear eye and said torn.  I explained that eventhough Dave and I are not together, we get along great and we do family things still, I have to make decisions of doing things with the 3 younger girls and Dave or the 4 girls and exclude Dave.  I don't like that.  It hurts a lot to see Erin treat Dave like this, we know she is very stubborn and with all the individual baggage she has, it something we have to be patience with.  She is builting her trust with me and others, we are hopeful, once she is successful in those relationship, she will be ready to work on Dave.  I pray for this every night,